“Cath, I’m telling you – you’re a medium. There’s spirits all around you trying to talk to you, you’re just not listening!”
That’s a powerful statement to make. It’s also one that my good friend, and psychic medium Jules of Living Tarot insists on saying every time we meet. I’ve never fully believed I have that gift, though I know I have some awareness of spirit. Sometimes I feel spirit, sometimes I hear spirit and sometimes I get visions or flashes. Sometimes. So I never felt I qualified as a psychic medium despite Jules relentlessly insisting I am.
Last week Jules invited me to her home for dinner. I love visiting Jules. She is such a warm, funny, shoot-straight-from-the-hip kinda gal. She also always gives you fabulous cakes with your cup of tea. Apart from a lovely evening I knew I would have with her, I knew it would be a fabulous dinner too. I was really happy at her invitation and said yes immediately. Jules then threw in a very casual and blase “hey Cath, bring your tarot cards, I’d like a reading.” I nearly fell off my chair! Jules is a psychic medium – how on earth could I give her a tarot reading worthy of her ability? Enter my fear, I began to shake. Then some other part of me was doing its level best to take control and point out some positive attributes I have. The terrified side of me was having none of it though.
Feel the fear and do it anyway?
I have always believed in the power of positive thought. I have subscribed to the idea that you should face your fears, to conquer them. It’s never worked. I’m still terrified of flying and only last week after waiting over 8 months for a specialist dental appointment, they still had to sedate me before they could begin. So facing my fears doesn’t conquer them, they’re still there, but somehow, some part of me is able to overcome this fear and do the very thing I’ve become terrified of doing. I’ve often called it ‘getting over myself’. The reason being quite simply that I know these two fears, or phobias, are irrational and I understand the logical arguments for flight safety and the effectiveness of oral anasthetic. I’m still terrified of both and yet I still fly and I still get into that dentist’s chair. Seems logic and irrationality are evenly balanced on the fulcrum in my mind.
So I knew I would turn up at Jules’, tarot cards in my hand. I also thought I would bomb. Then I though “ah, to hell with this! If I bomb, I bomb. Jules is so nice, she wouldn’t make me feel bad, even if I do. I have a chance to get over myself, I have a few days to do it in too. Why don’t I just try and enjoy this? For once in my life I’d like to step up to the plate and be smiling at the end of it!” And then I didn’t think about it for a couple of days. Friday teatime arrived before I knew it and I began to feel a little tetchy. Then I had a brilliant idea! Why don’t I try and tune into Jules, see what I can find, get a head start, so to speak?
Second sight in glorious Technicolour
Applying mascara has never been so interesting. I thought about Jules and actually said in my head “Is there anything about Jules that I need to know, that I can tell her at dinner?” Amazingly I was getting images! And a name. I asked about this person and was told (in my own voice and head) it was a health issue. Interesting. Again, in my head, I asked if there was anyone around Jules that would like to come forward so I could tell her they were there? Again, I saw the image of somone, I couldn’t see this person’s face, but I made a mental note of their clothes, height and build. Finally I asked about her business plans and was there anything I could tell her. Immediately I saw a tarot card and was taken aback. This small session of ‘tuning into Jules’ had been very productive and had been quite a surprise. Of course, the pessimistic side began to chip in and before I knew it, I was questioning what I had been given “Well you know Jules, you know the people around her, you could just be picking them out because they’re familiar.”
Fear and doubt. Two equally powerful and destructive bedfellows. I knew them well and they were working overtime to keep me from progressing here. Aggravated by their presence again, I told them to shut up! We’ll let Jules be the judge of what I had seen and the tarot reading I would give her. Ooh, this was more like it – a more confident me! Though aware I still had to give my psychic medium friend a tarot reading, I was now eager to share the information I had been given and was now driving to her home with an excited anticipation of a good night ahead. I wasn’t disappointed.
Fear and Doubt. Who?
Dinner was fabulous, of course. And the company is the best around. Then Jules wanted her tarot reading. I began to tell her of my little experiment, of trying to tune into her to assist my tarot reading. Excited by my new foray into pyschic mediumship, she confirmed what I had told her as identical to what she had been picking up, and the identity of the second person I had seen. On describing this gents trousers, I told her of a brand they resembled to me. She confirmed they were indeed the brand this gent wore. Really? Oh my. I had tuned in so well, for a novice that I told Fear and Doubt to go take a running jump! Bring on that tarot reading.
That tarot reading turned into three tarot readings. Laying out the cards for the question relating to her business plans, the same card I had seen lay staring at us from my Tarot Elements Signature Spread! Jules was sat there just smiling “I told you all along girl and you didn’t believe me. You are a psychic medium!” I couldn’t help but smile myself, who could blame me. Perhaps she was right? Fear and Doubt trying to get in by the back door? Forget it, it’s closed.
Since last Friday, I have been ‘tuning in’ to as many people as I’ve come across. People have asked me questions and I have just said the first thing that came into my head. Jules said I must learn to trust the process and trust what I am given. “It may not make a lot of sense to your or your client, not straight away, but it will, trust me on that.” I do. And I’m trusting myself and what I hear and see, with and without my tarot cards in front of me, because as it was shown to me, they can be used as a means of communication, in my minds eye.
Try it for yourself, you might be as surprised as I was.
Catherine
Well I think this is an inspiring story Catherine about defeating one’s doubts and fears.
Hi Helen – thanks for stopping by and leaving a lovely comment :)
Fear is one of the biggest killers of psychic ability. Rather than try to run from the fear, it is actually better to go with and embrace the fear, and then you will find that it will lessen and eventually disappear.
Doing yoga or meditation will help to bring calmness to your mind, because just like a pond if it is calm the reflections are clear. I remember my first tarot readings and I was terrified too. I have done so many readings over the years, that now I am completely calm, and this calmness spills over into the rest of my life.
Hope you are going to do a lot more readings! Embrace the fears, and live.
Paul
Hi Paul – I’ve found over the years that there’s a fine line between conquering your fears and learning to work around them or with them. I certainly haven’t conquered mine, but I hope my efforts to not be bound by them will also help me one day conquer them.
Thanks for your great advice about meditation and yoga :)
Catherine – Thanks you so much for sharing this story! It is in all of our best interest to hone our abilities, to admit that they are there, to trust them – and to be willing to share in a reading. This was definitely a “win/win” situation!
Down with the fearful voices! :) (Actually – embrace the fearul voices, surround them with love and release them.)
Blessings,
Bonnie
Hi Bonnie – thanks for an equally inspiring comment! Down with those fearful voices indeed – no matter how, they hve no place in our futures. Lovely to see you here again, it’s always a pleasure :)
Catherine, this is an awesome story. Do you know, this is the very thing I’m working on myself. I’ve spent decades learning card meanings, techniques, etc., but never spent any time to speak of in developing my intuition/psychic ability. But I think I need to work on both or I’ll be (as I think I have been) a rather lopsided reader. And that’s just not pretty :-)
Barbara
Hi Barbara – I think it’s one thing we all do at least part of the time we’re learning to read Tarot – we get bogged down in the technicalities, of getting it right that we can easily close down our intuitive channels.
Lopsided though? It may not be pretty, but it sounds interesting, even though I know it’s just not the case my dear – you’re a Tarot legend in your own lifetime :)
Thanks for stopping by again and leaving such a thought provoking comment as usual – it’s always a pleasure :)
Hi Catherine! This was a great story and one that I think many readers could relate to! That inner voice is loud and clear – but it does indeed get drowned out by Fear and Doubt as well as good old Insecurity!
I agree with Paul about Yoga and Meditation – I have been practicing both for many years now and I find they help to still the mind. And when the brain is in a calmer place, the messages are more clear and easier to access.
Blessings!
Theresa
Hi Theresa – thanks for another great comment! Meditation is something I dip into, but not nearly enough. And yoga, well, I haven’t yet – but I think I might just have to now. You should write a blog post about it, the various types of yoga, it’s benefits and the best way approach it etc., that would be a great blog post for your own readers.
As for Insecurity – he can get on his bike too – there’s no room for him here :)
Catherine – talk about resonating. I’m pretty sure the reason I spent most of the 90’s intoxicated was to shut up those very whispers. I thought I was going crazy. Let’s hear it for personal growth – growing up has helped me control what’s going on around me. I wish I’d learned it earlier, tho.
Thanks for sharing this.
Hi Melissa – What a fabulous insight into your own experiences! You should also write about those, if they’re not too personal. Opening yourself up to channel or receive etc, is one thing, but in reverse is just as relevant and important and wonderfully different angle to come from.
Hope you’re thinking what I’m thinking ;)
Thank you for stopping by and leaving such a great comment :)
I *am* thinking that, oddly. :D Great minds, huh?
You got that down ;)
Hi Catherine,
Great article!
I’m no psychic … but the ability to overcome fears is something that I related to very well.
A very inspiring article – taking responsibility for who you are is something we can all learn from :D
Hi Douglas – thanks! Though I think we’re all psychic, to one degree or another – tapping into a tarot reading is a psychic activity, I feel.
Taking responsibility, or stepping up to the plate, as I call it, turned out to be fun in the end – once I got over myself ;)
Thanks for a great comment – it’s great to see you here again :)
Inspiring story. Thanks for sharing.
Hi Cher – thank you for stopping by and leaving a lovely comment, it’s great seeing you here again :)
Hi Catherine,
Paul spoke about embracing the fear in his response to your article and your response was about conquering them. To conquer implies to fight…my own circumstances have led me to have to put into practice all that I have ‘learned…read’ about…and that is that to fight is Force…to let Be is ‘Power’.
In your article,whether you realize it or not, you let the situation Be.
In Metamorphic Technique we are taught…notice the facts…acknowledge them…and let them Be.
In the letting Be of something, the facts have been noticed, they have been acknowledged and they have been let Be. In this moment there comes a moment of clarity and in this moment of clarity comes space and in this moment of space comes new information that wasn’t allowed to enter because the mind was cluttered with trying to fight an unseen…and perhaps illusionary enemy.
Congratulations on noticing…allowing and letting Be all that can manifest within yourself. Now that you longer resist the flow that has been trying to move through you, the inspiration has free reign to express itself…
You have amazing abilities that you are now only truly beginning to tap into.
Let ego take it’s proper place…which is to serve us, not master us and the abilities that you have allowed to express themselves will flourish beyond your wildest dreams.
The Path is only rocky and narrow until we open our eyes. It would appear that your eyes have been opened…enjoy the view…
Hi Jackie – thanks for another thought provoling comment!
I’ve always been a fighter, and so it’s been natural for me to approach these things this way, though as I illustrated in my post, I’ve never overcome my fears through conquering them – I’ve been able to work around them, not conquer them. Your comment has shown the subtle nuance of language and expectation without logical thought. I knew I wouldn’t conquer them, that much I had discovered/worked out and yet I was still using my old fighting talk!
I’m a tough old bird and it seems old habits die hard, but die they must. Perhaps ‘pass’ or ‘give way’ are better terms to use. Personal growth doesn’t stop at action but also in our terminology and approach to change.
Thanks for stopping by, it’s lovely to have you here again :)
Hi Catherine.
Thank you for sharing your story. You are brave. You acknowledge your fears, your doubts. You don’t hide.
I have been fascinated and a bit scared by psychic abilities for most of my life. I think it is wonderful that you have such a good and experienced friend to help you as you practice your new found abilities. I wish you all the best, and I look forward to read more about it.
Anna
Hi Anna – Thank you for another lovely comment :) I spent many a year hiding from my doubts & fears, but in doing so, it only fed them and held me in their bondage for longer. Once we expose a flaw, failing, or a disabling fear, it has no power over us. This is the first step in gaining strenght over the things that hold us back. Realisation and as Jackie says in her comment, awareness, are the key to rising above and beyond the grasp that fear et al hold over us.
I’m by no means over all of mine, but by stepping out from the shadows and not hiding anymore, I feel more empowered to take those extra steps to being free of them. Having my friends around me, and especially my online friends and blog followers to keep encouraging me and giving me support, things can only get better and go from strength to strength :)
Hello Catherine,
Great story! Also, your are right to suggest that we all have latent psychic ability. Sadly, most of us need a tool, such as tarot, to tap into the collective. At least in the beginning. Again, great article! Keep up the good work.
Love and light,
Bulal
Hi Bulal – lovely to see you here again :)
Trust is the biggest asset in developing psychic abilities, in my opinion. I can only say this with confidence as it was my good friend Jules who said it to me, who insisted I do actually trust myself and the process, and having done just that, I can vouch for her words and the truth of it. I’m even working on a technique to assist its development, with Tarot, but that’s another post….
Thanks for such a lovely comment :)
Dear Catherine,
I’m touched by your vulnerability and opening your inner struggles and triumphs to us all. Isn’t it interesting how just working with the cards is a teaching in itself? It expands us in ways we may never have imagined.
Much like what I posted to Paul recently on Tarot Eon…one of the most significant aspects of working with Tarot is how it supports us developing our more intuitive or psychic abilities, allowing us to feel more connected with not only oneself, but with one’s deeper source, be it God, Goddess, Great Spirit, etc.
What an inspiring journey you are on and I wish you all the best.
Hi Katrina – thank you for such a warm, heartfelt comment – they’re always appreciated :)
Some of my most profound, inner ‘enlightenments’ have come from a Tarot reading, or from the thinking it has left me consumed in. Tarot is many things, all good, but as a communication tool, from the heavens or from our psyches, it’s unsurpassed.
I’m still undecided upon how I view the ‘Source’, having freed myself of religious dogma a few years ago, I decided to be ‘free’ for a while so I can be still, and tune in and listen without any preconceived ideas about any of the ideas and systems put forward by the faithful.
The experiences I’ve had in this time have been beautiful, remarkable and uplifting to my soul. This in itself has given me all I have needed to just gently continue on this ‘unchosen’ path of experiences and discovery without it being clouded or refuted as insignificant, dangerous or outright evil. It’s amazing how people still view those of us outside of their own ‘safe’ doctrines. I’m just glad to be free.
Lovely to see you here again Katrina, thanks for stopping by and commenting :)
Hey Catherine, you were right, that was an excellent article. I don’t know that I can add much more to what everyone else wrote, so I’ll just say that I can relate to what you wrote about facing your fears and how most of them are more mental (take the fear of rejection for example — all mental, self-created). Anyway, thanks for writing that, it gives me hope that I am not practicing something that is all moot. :)